So this has been quite the wild ride. As you could tell the other post was very delayed. I indeed left home to return to my studies but because me and my friend where touring around I didn’t have nor mind nor decent wifi to post anything.
Also I forgot all my passwords. Great.
Right now I just want to talk a little about disapointment. Nothing too deep tho it’s almost 1am over here. I just wanna get rid of the heavy feeling on my chest not depress myself and everybody in the process.
You know the feeling right? When you were so expectantly waiting for something to happen and then it doesn’t or it does but it wasn’t as good as you hyped it up to be and you just deflate? Curl in on yourself and just wither a little?
I stayed up with my friend and we were expectantly waiting to watch smth we both love. And we built it up so much in our heads that when we watched it and I didnt love it I just felt a little defeated.
It sounds stupid. A completely obvious first world problem but it works for everything in our lives. When you want something to be so good, when you wanna like it so much that you even will your body into somehow physically enjoying it but then it falls short from your expectations and you just have a small quiet death on the inside.
Mom always tells me not to expect much. Because if I dont expect much it doesn’t hurt so bad when I don’t get it. Same goes for people. If you don’t expect so much from them it doesn’t hurt so bad when they don’t come through.
But you see, I’m a dreamer. I expect everything. I make castles on clouds, sand, sea foam you name it. Of course I don’t expect everything to always go my way but I believe that if I believe enough, if I work hard enough I’ll be able to do it, get it, go.
And so far life’s been kind. And I shouldn’t complain, especially not for something so trivial, but I think that these little trivial things are what make our lives have a little more meaning. A little extra brightness.
And because Im disapointed right now my bright light is a little dimer. Gotta work on polishing it until it becomes blindingly bright once more